The Six Flags Bailout [Dan Collins]
Amusement park operator Six Flags declared bankruptcy yesterday but says that it will keep its parks open, at least for now. According to the Washington Post, the company is carrying $2.4 billion in debt. Despite the fact that Six Flags reported 25 million visitors and posted record revenues in 2008, the debt is simply unsustainable, the Associated Press reports.
The Obama administration indicated that it will purchase a controlling interest in Six Flags, with 60% of the corporate stock going to the Teamsters. TARP directors will help the company determine rides that the American public will really wish to experience, such as:
The Big O! a merry-go-round celebration of Hope and Change, powered by carbon-free unicorn farts
The New GM, a roller-coaster hitting the incredible speed of 25 mph
Shovel-Ready, a Big Dig-inspired ride continuously under construction
Red America, the Deliverance-themed water adventure (Squeal Like A Pig!)
And the thrilling Mr. Ayers’ Wild Ride.
A special offering for those 65 and over, or suffering ill health, will be the ride called Logan’s Run. The admissions of up to 6 members of a party including a person utilizing this ride will be refunded with a voucher at the exit.
Carnival foods such as fried dough will be replaced with healthy offerings, such as chickpeas and arugula. Dangerous foods “on a stick” will no longer be offered. Park admission will remain a flat fee, but each individual ride will require a surcharge, with families of more than four paying an additional amount. People of authorized color will be permitted to utilize fast access lines.
Show the world we can dance!
Shake your groove thing.
Shake your groove thing.
Yeah yeah.
Shake it high.
Shake it low.
Show 'em how we do it now.
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