Can You Spell Loser?

USA Today reports

Ungrateful passengers who touched down in the Hudson River instead of burning alive in a crash-induced inferno claim they appreciate the $5,000 they've been offered by US Airways — but some say it just ain't enough.
Joe Hart, a salespussy from Charlotte who suffered a bloody nose and bruises, says he "would like to be made whole for the incident."
It's too soon after the accident to determine what emotional distress he has suffered, he says.

Oh, boo hoo hoo, Joe. We feel your distress. Take the $5K and buy a testicle. Go back to your job, work hard and save your money. Then buy a second testicle. That makes a full set and might confer the wholeness you seek.
You're obviously unfamiliar with the concept of sac, so in the spirit of service, here's a pic of what to look for. Now man up._____________________________________________________
Thanks USA Today for allowing me to translate your reportage.
Update from Mike Gallagher Friday, January 30th
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